Quantum Christianity: Believe Again Read online

  To make matters worse, the US economy crashed and not only did I not have a job or any supplementary income, but I couldn’t get a job anywhere. I had worked as close to full-time as I could since I was fourteen years old, even while in college taking sixteen credit hours of school, and while working forty hours a week—and now I couldn’t work at all.

  To top it all off, the entire scenario had done a real number on my self-esteem and I began to experience anxiety in public-speaking situations. The one thing I never had doubted—my ability to speak in front of people—was now gone as well. I would draw a complete blank when I got on stage or in front of a camera to do something as simple as receiving an offering at church or greeting our audience online.

  MAYDAY

  Before all of this, I was unshakable. I was the guy who never wrote a speech for speech class in college and was able to wing it and ace the class, and now I couldn’t think of a single thing to say, overcome with stage fright in front of an audience.

  Now every empire of self that I had built was stripped from me and I was left at a base level with nothing but a memory of what I used to be. Depression set in like an immovable ton of bricks.

  I’m not a small guy, and with my size and tattoos, I’ve often been told that I am a pretty intimidating guy. I stand right at 6’3” and at the time of the attack, I was weighing in at close to 250 pounds. I was on the SWAT team and working out almost every day. My bench press was topping 300 pounds. I was a PPCT instructor (certified to teach officers how to defend themselves). But after this attack, my physical strength was gone, and I lost fifty pounds of muscle in about three months. My emotional strength was also gone, as depression and anxiety (the very things I previously judged others as being weak for experiencing) were now my reality. I’d sit on the couch wishing I was going to work but instead I’d watch my wife getting ready to put in her sixth twelve-hour day in a row. I stayed home with our newborn son, feeling more and more emasculated every day.

  Many have asked how my wife handled it and whether or not it rocked our marriage. It’s undeniable that there were extra stressors placed upon my wife, but she never complained. I overheard her talking on the phone one day with someone who couldn’t understand how she wasn’t resentful. Her simple response to that person will tell you more about my wife than multiple paragraphs I could write about her. When they asked, “Are you not bitter that he can’t work and you are having to support everything yourself?” her response was, “I don’t care if Aaron never works another day in his life. I’m just glad my husband is still here.” It was tough, but with her support I was able to move forward and eventually reached the place where I am today.

  It was a journey processing through all of the circumstances, and loss did a number on me and changed my personality dramatically for a long while. The previous extrovert that I was became very introverted; even my thoughts felt extremely cloudy (almost dreamlike) for a season.

  Thankfully, about three years into my healing, I was starting to get back to my old self. I was laughing again. I was finally able to speak in front of a crowd without the fear paralyzing me. I was playing sports and writing again. I had gotten a hold on the depression. It still was trying to mess with me at times, but I had learned to redirect my focus. Overall, I was doing pretty good.

  AVOIDING THE BLAME GAME

  I realize many go through a phase of blaming God. But truth be told, I was never really angry with God. I did question why it was taking so long for my body to heal and get back to normal. But I mostly blamed myself and my own arrogance for what I was experiencing. Sure, it might have been easier to blame someone or something else, but I’m a very self-aware type of person and I’m also the kind of guy who takes responsibility for screwing up. As I said earlier, I didn’t follow protocol and that was just the beginning of my responsibility for much of what happened that day.

  But, like I said, after a few years, I was starting to feel like the old me again, and as was my custom then, I didn’t go to bed until long after midnight. One night I was getting ready for bed around 3:00 a.m. and was walking to my bedroom. Feeling a little frustrated, I said, “Don’t you think I’ve been in this season a long time, God?” This was not an “I’m ticked; where are you, God?” type of question; it was an, “Am I ever going to get another chance?” type of question. It was more rhetorical than anything, and I didn’t really even expect a response.

  On a few occasions in my life, I have had what I would consider to be very clear responses and direction from God (I’ll elaborate on this later), and this was one of those times. If God were going to answer, I would have expected a response like, “Yes, son, thy Father, the Almighty Lord of Hosts hath heard thy prayer and thou shalt rise on the wind like the eagle from this day forth . . . ”

  Although God doesn’t talk like that to me, that would have been more expected than what I got. Immediately, I heard, “Aaron, you had a lot to unlearn.”

  Like so many others, I had developed ways of looking at things. My friend Ronnie Doss refers to them as “lenses” through which you see life. Most of the time, you don’t even realize you have them on because the perspective is all that you have ever known. But when life or people or circumstances reveal their existence, you have to make a choice as to whether or not you will ever put them on again—or at the very least, acknowledge that your lenses alter your perspective. In an instant, I had undergone that kind of awareness change.

  Facing death, questioning if I would ever have a normal life again, wondering if the simple things I had taken for granted would ever be simple again, even the judgmental ways in which I processed people, events, religious perspectives, and relationships . . . it all changed dramatically. I saw life through a new lens of appreciation and even experienced a new level of love for people than I had ever encountered before. I also had an entirely different perspective on pain, suffering, and the human condition.

  So when God told me, “Aaron, you had a lot to unlearn,” this response was so unexpected that I literally laughed out loud, thinking, “Did You really just say that to me?!”

  After I composed myself, I responded, “Well, if that is what all of this is about, then let’s get this unlearning stuff over with so I can move forward!”

  TAKING THE NEXT STEP

  The Bible says that God is faithful to complete the good work that He has begun in you. At least in my life, I believe this very uncomfortable season was part of His faithfulness in using the circumstances for good. My downtime allowed me to rewire some of the bad teaching, unhealthy religious perspectives, and arrogant mindsets that would have likely held me back if they had not been addressed.

  This marked the beginning of my next season. From that point forward, I have found God teaching me, even revealing things to me that I had never before been able to properly compartmentalize.

  I’m a structure kind of guy. I like things to make sense, and when they don’t, it’s like a puzzle for me. This is why I enjoyed being a detective. I like the chase, I like the investigation game, I like the case-building, and I like solving the riddle, particularly when justice is hanging in the balance.

  I despise injustice. I can’t stand to see people living in circumstances that are unfair or unjust, and I’m convinced that this scenario is not just limited to the innocent being hurt and abused by the criminal element of society; injustice also transcends into spiritual matters.

  The Bible states that we do not only wrestle against flesh and blood but also spiritual wickedness. I’m convinced that people are not only victimized physically but spiritually and injustice reigns in both realms by forces often outside of our physical awareness, begging the answer to the eternal question of “Why?”

  Why is injustice so prevalent in our midst? Why is man so set upon destruction? Why is God not doing more to stop this? Why does there appear to be such a lack of continuity between what the Bible says are the promises of God and what man experiences? Why does it seem that in our experience, the kingdom
of sin has so much more jurisdiction than the kingdom of God?

  These are all questions that I have chased answers to. I’ve seen with my own eyes what it looks like when sin reigns in the lives of men. I’ve walked through more innocent blood than I would ever care to remember. But is there more to this life than what we have experienced? Is our past and current experience also what we should accept as our imminent future? Are there actually answers to the tough questions that so many have no answers for and simply resolve them with a vague cliché like: “God’s ways are not our ways”? Is there something we can learn from our history, from the Bible, and from science that can broaden our perspectives and reveal a different future?

  I believe there is.

  JOIN ME ON THE CHASE

  Quantum Christianity was written to document the results of my chase. Through thousands of hours of research over the course of several years, I’ve studied science and theology, and watched every relevant lecture I could find. I’ve considered the points and the counterpoints of minds much more brilliant than my own, and I have received clarity on some issues that, before my pursuit, were nothing more than frustrations and mysteries to me.

  Comparing the scientific perspective, the theological perspective, and the personal perspective, I’ve often thought, “There has got to be more than just this!” And surely, there must be more common ground than many are willing to concede to.

  Through the pain, through the emotion, through the tenacity to simply get answers that so many have told me were irresolvable outside of accepting circumstances by “faith,” what I have found is that even when I was terribly frustrated and angry, I actually was asking the right questions.

  I was just looking through the wrong lenses.

  Today, my lenses have changed, my outlook has changed, and as a result, in many ways, so have my experiences. Today, because of what I have come to understand, I process through a filter that acknowledges that science isn’t justified from faith, or faith apart from science, but they actually can and do coexist and even complement each other.

  My intent or prayer in writing this book is not to convince people of my way of thinking, or to give absolute argument for why previously embraced scientific or theological ideals are wrong. The truth is that I acknowledge that I may be wrong in some capacities! History and human nature expose the probability that I have missed something or that I have written from a perspective that perhaps my experiences, inexperience, or personal capacity have left me blind to.

  But if what I have written presents even a portion of truth to the equation of modern Christianity, and your insight or wisdom allows you to build off of what I’ve presented, even correcting it, if necessary—then we as a whole all benefit from the collaboration by filling in the gaps and ultimately presenting a unified and definable application for the institution and advancement of spiritual and relational progress.

  Run with me, and let’s see if you come to some of the same conclusions that I have in pursuit of understanding the more that I’m convinced is attainable (even if few have seen it) in the lives of those who seek to know if there is a God, and if so, how He relates to man.

  PREFACE

  It Begins

  “From religion comes a man’s purpose; from science, his power to achieve it. Sometimes people ask if religion and science are not opposed to one another. They are: in the sense that the thumb and fingers of my hands are opposed to one another. It is an opposition by means of which anything can be grasped.”

  —William H. Bragg (1862–1942), British physicist, chemist, and mathematician. Awarded Nobel Prize in 1915.

  Initially, I didn’t set out to write a book. I mean, let’s be honest: I’m a retired detective and SWAT team member, a pastor, a husband, and a father, and I’ve had a decent enough run at all of those to be able to speak with some level of authority on those subjects—but what in the heck do I know about quantum physics and its parallels to spirituality? Who am I to compare the revolutionary thoughts of some of the greatest minds in history, leading us to the greatest advancements and understanding of harnessing energy ever known by man to Christianity, and what I believe God wants to do as it pertains to you and me and the furthering of His kingdom on the earth?

  Bear with me.

  In the beginning, I just needed answers for myself to the difficult questions that nobody seemed to be able to offer any clarity upon. As a pastor I have struggled with feelings of ignorance and inadequacy for years when being asked by hurting people for some sort of guidance. I knew that my answers were less than sufficient, let alone comforting.

  I also needed clarity on some of the really deep and philosophical questions that my atheist and agnostic friends (and those who would be offended by either of those labels) have asked me, that I didn’t have clear resolve for, even in my own mind. Why would God (if there is a God) do or allow certain things? There were questions about what appears to be contradictory between the Bible and their (and my) life experiences. I had questions regarding who I am, who Jesus was and is, and where we as human beings fit into the mix of a life that seems so insignificant in the grand scheme of eternity.

  WHAT IS IT ALL ABOUT?

  I recently had the privilege of spending a few days with the pastor of one of the largest churches in the world. During this time, we talked about a lot of issues, one of which was the explanation for the creation and existence of man. When comparing the average lifespan of a man to eternity, our existence here in this physical realm seems to me to be so far from anything that would be logical. And yet for some reason, God has placed huge significance in the existence and the short-lived physical lifespan of man on the earth. So much so that He even sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to this earth to redeem mankind and set in order the system that was broken by the introduction of the kingdom of sin. (If that is not clear to you right now, don’t let it throw you. I will elaborate upon this and much more in the later chapters).

  So we live here for eighty years or so, experience some ups and downs, get married, have a kid or two, have some grandkids, and work through some issues of faith that may or may not even be correct from a biblical or godly perspective (those who don’t believe in God come to their own resolve on why they don’t believe). We struggle with issues, letdowns, pain, and suffering that we seemingly have little or no control over, and then in eternity we might receive clarity on that which we didn’t necessarily understand.

  My entire life, this paradigm has just seemed so pointless. I’ve heard it proposed that there is more, that God intends for there to be more than this running-on-a-hamster-wheel experience that many have accepted as life. But I hadn’t been able to find answers to some of the harder questions—until now.

  What if there’s more?

  What if there actually is a God who genuinely cares and we have been misinformed on some very key issues surrounding who He is and who we are?

  What if the experiences in this short-lived human life will actually amount to something on the other side?

  What if, somehow, we are preparing for where we are going? What if we are working out the kinks and learning some principles that transcend time and our physical existence, so that we will be better equipped for what God has for us on the other side? What if these things will actually influence a plan that God has for our eternity?

  What if there are laws that have been instituted by God that actually work on both sides of eternity (or what we understand as physical and spiritual reality) that we have not been taught? What if these laws can be both accessed and instituted to change the experience of our current reality and offer us control over situations that we previously assumed were at least partially, if not completely, out of our control?

  What if there’s more?

  Wouldn’t you want to know?

  As I searched for and intentionally pursued answers to questions that I could not understand, I began to discover some interesting parallels between faith and science.

  As I began writing, I sh
ared some of the concepts with a few people. One friend wrote me back after pondering what I had said for a few days: “I don’t know where I stand with all that you have shared with me, but I have been weeping for the last two days as I have had to weigh the possibility that everything that I have perceived and thought about who God is and how He feels about me may be wrong, and perhaps God actually does love me.”

  Another dear friend and nationally renowned worship leader called me a few hours after a discussion we had over lunch where I shared just a few concepts of what I was pondering and writing about, and he said, “Aaron, I just shared with my wife what we talked about over lunch, and we are both sitting here crying. Please finish this book because people need to hear it.”

  I don’t know why God would place me in this position to write this book. What I do know is this is only the tip of the iceberg for what I believe God intends, as it pertains to continued exposition and revelation on the subjects presented here. Maybe a single idea postulated in this book will be a catalyst for your own divinely inspired contribution to furthering our Quantum Christianity understanding.

  UNDERTAKING A MONSTER

  Because I am so moved by science, initially, as I began to write, I attempted to include as much of it as I could in the book. However, as I would reread the chapters, I found myself tuning out or losing interest during the presentation of the science. I realized that although the science was important for me in my progression, it was not the most important aspect of what needed to be understood by a reader.

  So, although much of what is written will reference scientific parallels, this book is not an exposé of science and quantum physics. It is an exposé on theology and how science and spirituality actually interconnect within the sphere of our human existence. There are aspects of science presented, but this is not a book of scientific-religious apologetics.